On December 21, this Friday, the Mayan calendar indicates the end of an earth period and the beginning of another. Many around the world have taken this to mean that the world will actually end altogether on Friday, and apparently its suppose to be some big nuclear explosion. Like, maybe all the countries around the world leave their nuclear weapons too close to the fireplace, and Friday happens to the be the day that it all goes wrong.
I’m gonna try and hit a nice steakhouse before Friday morning, and I definitely encourage all of you to find time to got out with a bang (pun intended). Treat yourself to a nice dinner. Go buy that one expensive gift you’ve always been wanting. Or, better yet, just go buy the most expensive car you can afford.
While I, and maybe a few of you, will be checking a few things off our bucket lists, I’ll tell you who doesn’t have a care in the world right now – cockroaches.
That’s right. Those little critters spit in the direction of all nuclear missiles. They laugh in the face of radiation fallout. The meteor on path to earth is their disco ball, and the music is blazing.
Some believe that if there is anyone, or anything, that is capable of surviving a nuclear meltdown, its cockroaches. In fact, in a piece called The Cockroach Papers: A Compendium of History and Lore, journalist Richard Schweid indicates that roaches survived the atomic explosions of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In the years to follow this would lead to the notion that cockroaches may eventually inherit the earth should all of humanity and wildlife become extinct due to nuclear war.
Even modern media perpetuates this thought. In Disney Pixar’s movie WALL-E, the main robot character, WALL-E, is befriended by a cockroach in a post-apocalyptic world. The two are seen numerous times with one another on earth, where there are only garbage and ruins in sight. All other human life has sought refuge in space craft orbiting the earth.
So just how exactly would a cockroach survive a nuclear holocaust? They need some of the same resources us humans do. Food. Water. Shelter. First Aid. Navigation. Cable Television.
Cockroaches will eat anything. Literally. Usually they are confined to less than crumbs to feed from. If the inhabitants of the world perished, let’s just say there would be an abundance of…food…laying around.
Water? Even if acid rain started falling from the sky I’m sure they’d drink it. Anything to add some flavor, right?
Everybody needs a place to live. Those little guys would have entire cities to themselves. If I were a roach I’d go straight to the upscale neighborhoods and get one of the bigger homes for myself. Finders keepers!
It’s our observation that roaches don’t really care for one another. They’d definitely have to look out for their own hides because medical attention will pretty much be non-existent. Every roach for themselves.
Hopefully any nuclear explosions on earth won’t disrupt the GPS satellites that orbit the earth. I’m not sure if there would be enough Garmins for every roach to have their own, so they might have to share.
And since there’s not going to be very many humans on earth, things might get a little boring. They can set up as many flat screens as they want and never have to pay one bill for their subscriptions. That’s the life!
So, who’s SOL on Friday? Humans.
And who’s winning the lottery? Roaches!